Another dispatch from the strange mind of James Lileks:

Everyone loves Subway, after all. I don’t go there often, because you always get a beat-down from the employees. I don’t know what it is about Subway that produces such weary surlyness; probably the waiting, the waiting, the waiting for people to make up their minds about what shredded crap they want on their sliced crap. Everyone takes forever and they always say the same thing. Lettuce, onions, tomatoes. I try to know what I want before the process begins, so I don’t anger them too much.

(Prophylactic note to those who want to insist I don’t know anything about life in the service sector: I waited tables for eight years. The only honest work I ever did, really.)

Soon it was my turn; the burly, blank-faced clerk in hipster-specs behind the counter grunted “what do you want,” fully expecting me to say “uh, I’ll have a sub, the chicken, no the chicken ranch,” after which he would have to ask, for the gazillionth time, whether I wanted a six inch or a footlong, and after that, what kind of bread I wanted. Jeez.

“Three subs,” I said. “First is on Italian. Six Inch. Ham and cheese only. Toasted.”

See? That provides the relevant information in the order he needs it. Because the first thing he needs to know is the variety of bread, and then the size. I noted the toasting so the next sandwich artist – it’s always a two-person job, making a sub – wouldn’t start the difficult matter of adding the extras.

Ain’t I a peach? A regular pip?

I did the same thing with the other two, and I swear it made him more displeased, as if I’d taken away something precious from him. Maybe it’s me; I’m sure it’s me. I always feel ordering at Subway is a test, and the sandwich artists are giving me Fs, and their disappointment has curdled to anger.

And this:

Later in the piece, this:

Using their computer model, Cox and Loeb forecast that after the collision about 2 billion years from now, the Milky Way and Andromeda galaxies will be pulled together by gravity and blend into a single, spherical super galaxy -- "Milkomeda," as Cox and Loeb call it.

I mention this only because it reminded me of something that’s annoyed me all my life, even more than attitude of Sandwich Artists: the name of our galaxy. “Andromeda” is a cool name. It is a sci-fi name. “Milky Way” sounds like the title of a 1930s Dairy Industry promotional pamphlet. I like “Sun” – “Sol” is better, but it’s still generic. Not as generic as “Earth,” which is utterly banal. If the aliens have universal translators, they’ll laugh when we say “We come from a planet known as Dirt. It orbits a Star we call Star.” Perhaps all cultures are like this though; maybe everyone calls their planet Dirt, and the eventual union of these intergalactic species will be the Dirtball Union, or the League of Orbiting Soil Clods.

Imagine if some Italian astronomer had amed the galaxy “Carnival.” We’d feel different about this joint, and our place in it.

Still reading...

Oh. He bludgeons an economic ignoramus:

Today’s local paper had a column from a fellow who has previously reminded us that he Knows Things, and thus has a leg up on those bloggers who thrash around in a slough of ignorance. He was angry about gas prices today: “The antitheft protection on my credit card doesn’t permit anyone buy more than $50 of gas. Not even me. That’s to make sure the crooks can’t get too much. But I never thought the bandits would own the pumps.”

As I’ve noted before, my family is in the gas station business, and since that makes us Bandits with a vested interest in the subject, my remarks can be automatically discounted. But. A reminder: the taxes on gas exceed the bandit’s profit by a significant margin. Stations make pennies – sometimes penny, singular – on a gallon. We make real money on the stuff you go into the store to buy. But then there’s this:

“Gouging? Nah. You’d have to be crazy to think the oil companies would rip anyone off. I’m sure there are many good, sound business reasons why the gas they put in the underground storage tank at your local service station last week is worth almost a buck a gallon more today. Right.”

Yes, I know: it’s rare you find such a keen grasp of the economics of commodities in a local paper, but there it is.

It’s not a question of seasonal demand, or refinery capacity, or the springtime switch to different blends, or any of those things. They’re ripping us off! Price go up! Mongo angry! Mongo shake fist at Gas God! At least New York City has it figured out: according to the Wall Street Journal – staffed with people who understand good, sound business reasons, i.e. LIARS AND APOLOGISTS.

Is there anything more ludicrous than a person complaining about the cost of gasoline while they hold a Starbuck’s cup?

I wonder though, last year oil reached $75 bucks a barrel and gas prices here were $2.89 a gallon. This year, oil per barrel is cheaper and gas here is $2.99. I wouldn't say gouging, but it sure is interesting.

The cost of oil is only one contributor, and not necessarily the biggest one, to the cost of gasoline (example: think refinery capacity).

I agree with him Earth is a stupid name. 'Urrrth'

Sounds like a Caveman belching.

I prefer Terra and Terrans even though it still means dirt.

'Earthling'=dingaling

'Terran' will sound tougher to the Klingons. They laugh at Earthling.

Forgot to consider capacity since Valero keeps refitting and cleaning.....still, very annoying. What will be the excuse next year when $3.50 is the rate at the beginning of summer?

Forgot to consider capacity since Valero keeps refitting and cleaning.....still, very annoying. What will be the excuse next year when $3.50 is the rate at the beginning of summer?

Since the last refinery built in America opened about 31 years ago, you have to allow for maintenance. Maintenance isn't cheap and it does reduce production, but not nearly so much as neglecting maintenance.

Good stuff, had me laughing out loud several times (quite possibly scaring neigbours).

But he needs to get far out in the woods (away from all the city lights etc.) and look straight up into a clear sky. The name will become pretty obvious.

At night of course...

Gasoline is about $7.50 per US gallon in the UK. Stop complaining. Incidentally, the difference is mostly tax.

Of course, if it was a similar price in the US, then just maybe you'd waste less of it and give less money to terrorists. Just maybe.

Gasoline is about $7.50 per US gallon in the UK. Stop complaining. Incidentally, the difference is mostly tax.

I'm not complaining, I'm just annoyed. The difference is mostly tax eh? Better talk your governmental types and try to reduce that.

Of course, if it was a similar price in the US, then just maybe you'd waste less of it and give less money to terrorists. Just maybe.

We waste oil like you waste bandwidth.

Demand is another component of price. Retail gasoline demand is now close to its seasonal peak. I suspect that gas prices are topping out.

"Liberal" economics: the eternal struggle to repeal the Law of Supply and Demand.

Bilwick:

There is a school of thought that making market forces work for you is a much better way of getting something done that you think necessary than explicit regulation.

There was an example of this some years ago, in Czechoslovakia I think; at any rate on the Danube. There was an extremely severe problem with industrial pollution of the river, and no amount of inspection and regulation worked to reduce it. Most industrial processes that require water need it to be reasonably clean.

So what did that government do? Simply required the discharge pipe to be upstream of the intake pipe. Within two years, the pollution virtually disappeared. Suddenly, it cost money to pollute - so they didn't.

Of course, if you don't mind rivers being sewers...

Similarly, should a government believe that burning excessive gasoline is a bad thing then one way of reducing said burning is to slap a large tax on it - over time, people will buy more fuel-efficient cars, form car-sharing schemes, drive more slowly, and so on and so on. All without any explicit regulation at all.