Thank goodness we have smart and gracious celebrities generous enough to take time out from their busy lives to fly around the country in executive jets and provide the little people like us with proper instruction on wiping our @sses.

I wonder if she'll use a whole roll herself, but buy teepee offsets?

Possibly Ms. Crow is referring to the feminine need to dry off after urinating? Not a use of TP that I'm personally conversant with, but I'm assured by female acquaintances that this does occur.

I guess I'll be the first smart-aleck to say that this sounds like a pretty crappy idea...

We could pay off the national debt by getting celebrities to buy bullsh!t offsets ...

I wonder what slogans would come out of a hypothetical anti-tp crusade. Something noble, I suppose, like "Wipe till you don't see white." At least, that'll work till they ban bleached paper.

This is another issue that high tech can solve. The Japanese have, for some time, a computerized toilet with IR sensor which autonomously targets the excretory oriface and squirts it repeatedly with a body temperature stream of water. Warm air is then used to dry the general area.

Due to the impending emergency, nothing less than a national effort should be initiated to move this problem. The present aerospace sector could be redirected to get behind it, so to speak, being uniquely experienced in handling government mandated fecal material. Something along the lines of FCS, or in this case a Future Toilet System (FTS) study might be in the offing.

Since Al Gore was also solidly in favor of low flush toilets (aka floaters) I believe he should be the spokes oriface for this effort as well.

Are we sure she's serious? This sounds too loopy for anybody not brain-damaged.

Jeezus H. Christ.

One square of toilet paper. Why bother at all? She should just use her left hand like the Arabs do. In fact, she should move to an Arab country - I'm sure she'd fit in just fine.

"Too stupid to live" really should be a valid diagnosis.

Reminds me of that Stallone movie "Demolition Man" where in the 21st Century L.A. they use clam shells instead of toilet paper. Talk about prescient! Not only did they predict the TP fiasco, but also the need to unthaw a tough cop to save their pacifist ass@s from criminals gone wild.

Only in Hollywood baby!

This sounds too loopy for anybody not brain-damaged.

It IS Sheryl Crow.....

Why screw around with cramped-vision Jimmy Carter style conservation, when technology can let us broad jump straight across the Toilet Paper Crisis and eliminate the entire bathroom tyranny at the same time?

Imagine nanotech tighty-wighties, where zillions of embedded nanosites consume, digest and deodorize the shit as it, uh, emerges, and automatically transport sterilized, lightly lilac-scented milllimeter fertilizer pellets to small holding tanks in the cuffs, from where they can be discretely dribbled with a slight twitch of the ankle onto any convenient grassy surface, or the expensive rugs of people whom you despise.

Wow, I'm amazed at how you people are unable to see that she was joking.

It's like one of those news reports that compares World War II to, say, the war on terror--you know, an attempt at humor?

Uh, Bob...we're joking, too.

Boy, talk about irony.

yeah, and what's the deal with scented toilet paper, anyway? Who the hell sniffs their toilet paper, before or, especially, after?