Transterrestrial Musings

Comments

You know your satire is too good, when one can't tell if it is satire.

Posted by Ed Minchau at April 10, 2007 08:53 PM

Rand: "Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced today that they plan to diplomatically isolate the White House."

And then they plan to make the ocean wet.

"In response to an invitation from the president to come to the White House and discuss a troop funding bill"

The first invitation of its kind from him, signed "Your Gloreeus and Ever Grashus Master of the Yooniverse, George Skywalker Bush."

"Senator Reid rejected it, saying "We won't meet with preconditions."

The part about crawling into the Oval Office on their bellies and requesting permission to "breathe His Majesty's blessed expellings" does seem a trifle much.

"and to lard the funding bill with things like spinach subsidies"

The American Spinach Council was late with its voluntary donation, and its chairman's niece was heard to speak ill of the Divine Leader. Such insolence cannot be rewarded while more loyal industries go woefully undersubsidized.

""It's one thing to meet with a peace-loving world leader like Bashar al-Assad, or President Ahmadinejad," she said."

And quite another to meet with a peace-loving world leader like George W. Bush.

"and end his imperialistic ambitions?"

Why, it's elementary. School, that is. The nearest elementary school to the White House will be designated the new Bureau of Conquest, and the job of the 6th grade honor students will be to invent fake countries for His Lordship to believe are being conquered at his orders. They are to create colorful maps, draw pictures of the people, and create trophies for the Divine Leader to display on his mantle when the capital city falls to his "liberation forces," played in fake news clips by local teenagers in camouflage t-shirts.

After he gives the order to invade, they are to play a game of Risk and deliver daily updates, which will then be rewritten on Pentagon letterhead and dutifully given to Fox News for broader coverage. Beloved Leader's smile will be back on his face in no time when he's heroically conquering Shitbrickistan for freedom while torturing its inhabitants--Lisa Nowak's bondage photos will suffice as the record of the interrogations.

"Upon receiving the rejection of its invitation, the White House expressed its disappointment. "We are saddened by the decision of the Congressional majority to refuse to discuss this important issue," said the White House Press Secretary."

Then he said "Forgive them, for they know not what they do," a beam of heavenly light broke through the ceiling and shined on his angelic visage, a dove landed on his outstretched hand, a harp strummed offstage, and the spirit of Edward R. Murrow descended from heaven to bless his innocent, truth-loving heart and cherubic honesty.

"The troops should be above politics like this."

They should gladly sacrifice their insignificant lives to save Dear Leader from the agony of facing reality, but those cruel, anti-American Democrats want those soldiers to come home alive and unsacrificed, and make Dear Leader cry! Do you hear that, ladies and gentlemen? Those evil, villainous liberals want Dear Leader to cry! Is there no compassion in the world? Is there no justice for such an innocent, benevolent soul, who asks only that people treat as his merest whim as a higher imperative than their lives?

"We'll move to cut off funds to Halliburton, open up the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to plunge oil prices"

Reid's microphone was then abruptly cut off, armed guards in black-and-red DHS uniforms led him off stage, and a loud bang followed. Michael Dingus, Chief of Glorious Presidential Dignity Protection, then walked on stage to give an announcement. "I regret to inform you," Dingus began, "that Senator Reid has apparently had an accident. He tripped, fell, and the back of his head landed on a bullet that happened to be standing upright on the ground. Gosh, we're all broken up over here, and I know the President's going to be out of sorts for his late dear friend. Let's all have a moment of silence....okay, that's enough. Coffee and donuts are in the lobby, and my assistant will be at the door checking your footage for any unsuitable images."

Posted by Brian Swiderski at April 11, 2007 02:21 AM

the funny thing is some readers are so deranged and lacking in perspective that they might actually think this doesn't go far enough.

Posted by at April 11, 2007 04:46 AM

"Reid's microphone was then abruptly cut off, armed guards in black-and-red DHS uniforms led him off stage, and a loud bang followed."

Brian Swiderski: latest in a long list of people who should be handed a one-way to Iran, China, or North Korea, so he could live in a real dictatorship.

"He tripped, fell, and the back of his head landed on a bullet that happened to be standing upright on the ground."

Kinda reminds you of Vince Foster, don't it? Of course, ol' Vince is really dead, but hey, details.

Posted by SDN at April 11, 2007 05:02 AM

sorry but Bush has not shared, has ignored, given nothing but distain for congress unless they fully support what he wants. Now the shoe on the other foot. Make fun folks. But then you are not being rotated over and over with improper equipment and no end in sight or purpose for being in the middle of a civil war. But stay cute cause "are we clever."

Posted by joseph hill at April 11, 2007 05:40 AM

Well, then again, I was rotated over and over (three tours in Iraq). I still find the post funny. I don't find sanctimonious blowhards like joseph hill funny, especially when they pretend to care about "the troops". Swiderski's post is simply projection, a show of the constant Leftist wish that supreme power in the hands of one man is only a breath away.

Posted by Diggs at April 11, 2007 06:25 AM

Yes, my Romanian friends are always irritated at leftists who try to paint Bush as a tyrant. Some people have to pretend that their enemies are very evil, so that they can feel very big and important.

joseph hill, I know that is a common opinion on the left, that all this division stems from Bush's actions and his freezing out the Democrats and handling them with a harsh hand. I think the evidence is precisely opposite, and it is the Democrats who have deeply and narcissistically resented not ruling Congress unchecked since 1994, and then losing the White House to boot. As evidence, I will cite your own comment: "now the shoe is on the other foot." That is a statement of petty power-grubbers, not public servants.

Posted by Assistant Village Idiot at April 11, 2007 06:26 AM

Good stuff, Rand. Judging by some of the critics, it appears you hit the right nerve. Don't let up.

Posted by Leland at April 11, 2007 06:38 AM

When the Left can look at the situation with North Korea and conclude that it is the fault of the United States, I'm not sure any level of satire can be comparable.

Posted by Lurking Observer at April 11, 2007 06:49 AM

"The shoe is on the other foot" - that's just where they are mistaken. The Dems have a paper-thin majority in the Congress, they had trouble even passing these resolutions with a simple majority. And they have no kind of mandate from the public - in particular on Iraq.
Here are the latest poll figures - and *this* poll
is considered good news for Democrats:

"Disapproval of Congress totals 57 percent.

The public opinion split is identical on the issue of Democratic handling of Iraq -- 40 percent approve, 57 percent disapprove.

Support is lower among self-described political independents, who deserted Republicans in last fall's elections to give 57 percent of their votes to Democrats. Now, only 32 percent of them register approval of the job Congress is doing; 36 percent favor the way Democrats are handling Iraq."

Posted by jjustwwondering at April 11, 2007 07:36 AM

You mean that was satire? Sheesh, I thought you lifted it from the lifestyle section of the NYT...or from their TV page...or their 3-day weather forecast...

Posted by Gunga at April 11, 2007 07:52 AM

Brian Swiderski, you slime-coated son of a fetid b!tch, you wouldn't have the b@lls to say anything like that in front of, to the face of, any of our troops. My bro just got back from Iraq. These are people of valor and honorable-- they serve to advance democracy in what was one of the worst tyrannies ever known. Read Kanan Makiya's "Regime of Fear." Or get a clue some other way, you worthless puke.

Posted by Overzellis at April 11, 2007 08:35 AM

Brian Swiderski, if you feel given to post-length comments, I'd highly recommend you go to one of the free blog hosting services and set your own blog up. We're just not that into you, dude.

Posted by Mack at April 11, 2007 09:01 AM

OZ said: Brian Swiderski, you slime-coated son of a fetid b!tch, you wouldn't have the b@lls to say anything like that in front of, to the face of, any of our troops. My bro just got back from Iraq. These are people of valor and honorable-- they serve to advance democracy in what was one of the worst tyrannies ever known. Read Kanan Makiya's "Regime of Fear." Or get a clue some other way, you worthless puke.

Now really, was that necessary? When you get all hot under the collar and start insulting and name-calling, the other side wins. Passion is a requirement in political discussion, but above all else, manners rules the game field. Yes, I know this is coming from the person that labelled Brian as Squidward, but I did that for fun. No hard feelings Brian? Squiddie? heheheh

Posted by Mac at April 11, 2007 09:07 AM

I'm trying to imagine someone so brainbroke that he'd read Swiderski's screed and imagine/believe/assume that it was intended as a swipe at the _troops_.

I've got quite an imagination, but that's a stretch even for me.

Overzellis, if you're not a brilliant parodist - seek help immediately. You missed the point by several AUs.

Posted by Robert at April 11, 2007 09:56 AM

The Democrats are bad enough without putting words in their mouths. I'd love to have Nancy Pelosi say what you quoted here as saying:

"Speaker Pelosi agreed. "It's one thing to meet with a peace-loving world leader like Bashar al-Assad, or President Ahmadinejad," she said. "It's another to meet with a theocratic warmonger like George Bush. If we dignify his illegitimate regime with a negotiation, how will we ever build international pressure against him, and end his imperialistic ambitions?"

I despise the Dems but your blog isn't going to get my attention with cute bullshit like this.

John

Posted by John at April 11, 2007 09:57 AM

I'd love to have Nancy Pelosi say what you quoted here as saying...

If you look at the category of this post, it's called "Satire."

Look the word up. Nancy Pelosi is a public figure.

Posted by Rand Simberg at April 11, 2007 10:03 AM

This is the crap we beat each other up with and both parties laugh all the way to the bank. Do not discount a 3rd party one day. I've had enough and most Americans are ready.

Posted by knappy headed ho at April 11, 2007 10:10 AM

Maybe their secret plan is that pictures of "Nanc" in her arab garb will convince all the Arab guys to stop fighting...

Robert

Posted by Robert G. Oler at April 11, 2007 10:55 AM

Folks, the ad-hominems are not necessary. Sure, challenge Brian Swiderski's ideas - there's plenty to work with, there - but leave his mother out of it.

Posted by Ed Minchau at April 11, 2007 11:56 AM

SDN: "latest in a long list of people who should be handed a one-way to Iran, China, or North Korea, so he could live in a real dictatorship."

(Sigh) Latest in a long list of people who should have stayed awake in school the day they covered the Weimar Republic.

SDN: "Kinda reminds you of Vince Foster, don't it?"

Why would it remind me of a suicide?

Diggs: "Swiderski's post is simply projection, a show of the constant Leftist wish that supreme power in the hands of one man is only a breath away."

Thank you, Diggs. You once again demonstrate the unlimited capacity of the right for doublethink.

Assistant Village Idiot: "Yes, my Romanian friends are always irritated at leftists who try to paint Bush as a tyrant."

My German friends tend to be annoyed at the stupidity of people who can't recognize tyranny until it's dragging away their families.

Assistant Village Idiot: "Some people have to pretend that their enemies are very evil, so that they can feel very big and important."

And if they're really far gone, they might even characterize their enemies as an "Axis of Evil."

Lurking Observer: "When the Left can look at the situation with North Korea and conclude that it is the fault of the United States"

How many times can the right characterize George W. Bush as "the United States" before someone loses composure, bursts out laughing, and admits that's insane?

Overzellis: "Brian Swiderski, you slime-coated son of a fetid b!tch,"

Hi, mom.

"Read Kanan Makiya's "Regime of Fear.""

Here we go again with the "But Saddam was evil!" argument, which I guess in some people's minds excuses any cost in getting him. Of course, the argument only applies to evil dictators who don't go along with Bush, so really it has nothing to do with freedom, democracy, justice, or morality of any kind--it was a Mafia feud.

Mac: "No hard feelings Brian? Squiddie? heheheh"

Of course, I always love a good pop culture reference.

Posted by Brian Swiderski at April 11, 2007 12:31 PM

Er... someone commented on a blog to say that the blog had not got their attention? I'm getting lost, here. Was that also satire?

Posted by Peregrine John at April 11, 2007 12:32 PM

Now I see why some blogs restrict comments to 1000 characters.

Posted by bour3 at April 11, 2007 03:30 PM

The Democrats are just being true to the dictum
they often repeat: "You don't negotiate with your friends. You negotiate with your enemies."
Obviously, they consider Mr. Bush their friend...

Posted by jjustwwondering at April 11, 2007 05:02 PM

"Obviously, they consider Mr. Bush their friend..."

Mighty stupid of them.

Posted by Brian Swiderski at April 11, 2007 06:19 PM

> Here we go again with the "But Saddam was
> evil!" argument, which I guess in some
> people's minds excuses any cost in getting
> him. Of course, the argument only applies to
> evil dictators who don't go along with Bush,
> so really it has nothing to do with freedom,
> democracy, justice, or morality of any kind--
> it was a Mafia feud.

Given our past collaboration with the former
Iraqi regime, "Mafia feud" could easily be an
apt if satirical metaphor - you know how it goes
wit' some of dese guys like Saddam - you try to
set them up with their own territory to keep
under control for you, give them a piece of the
action, and go they go sideways on you, they
dont wanna see da big picture, they don't
realize they's messing up da business dat's
bigger than they are, I mean we're talking
oil business, ya know, and they get their own
little kind of big ideas, and you gotta do what
ya gotta do, ya know?

-dw

Posted by dave w at April 11, 2007 11:38 PM

We could speculate forever on the motives of the psychotics who plotted and orchestrated this war, probably without gaining any greater insight, but I think we can safely retire the notion that they want to spread freedom, democracy, and human rights.

Posted by Brian Swiderski at April 12, 2007 08:34 AM

Given that the French, Germans, and Russians did way more to supprt Saddam than America did it might be argued that Saddam got whacked for siding with the wrong mob.

Posted by M. Simon at April 12, 2007 08:51 AM

Brian S.,

America has done a terrible job of promoting self government in the world.

Just look at the messes we made in Japan, Germany, Taiwan, and South Korea to just name a few of our failures.

Will the occupation of Germany and Japan ever end?

Posted by M. Simon at April 12, 2007 08:55 AM

M Simon: "America has done a terrible job of promoting self government in the world."

The issue is the Bush regime, not America. They and their supporters don't know the difference, but America sure as hell does.

"Just look at the messes we made in Japan, Germany, Taiwan, and South Korea to just name a few of our failures."

Which one of those did Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld plan?

"Will the occupation of Germany and Japan ever end?"

It ended decades ago. Japan permits US bases because its constitution would leave it otherwise defenseless, and for the same economic and practical reasons Germany still permits them. To evict the US military would require replacing at least some of its defense assets with native ones, whose production would lead to hysterical protests from China, South Korea, Russia, Poland, etc, calling it "rearmament." Serious EU repercussions would follow for Germany, and the US would abandon its sponsorship of Japan for permanent Security Council membership.

Posted by Brian Swiderski at April 12, 2007 12:03 PM

Post a comment