An astronaut is going to run the Boston Marathon remotely. I think the astronauts should demand conjugal visits.

When I saw this story on the news this morning, the first thing that popped into my head was the lack of hills in space, and how there won't be 20,000 other people crowding around to turn her run into a seething swarm of bodies.

Without all of the distractions, pratfalls, and obstacles that all of the other runners have to deal with (and the cheering crowds), this barely qualifies as "running the Boston Marathon" in my book.

Then again, the last time I ran 1.5 miles, I just about couldn't walk for 3 days afterwards, so I'm not exactly an expert on Marathons.

"I think the astronauts should demand conjugal visits."

The final frontier of teledildonics...

I think they should demand the real thing--once a month, both spouses come together. It would create demand for more flights.

Do you really want a government issue conjugal visit by the lowest bid contractor?

I wonder what the legalities of prostitution would be on ISS.

John Breen III:

"Then again, the last time I ran 1.5 miles, I just about couldn't walk for 3 days afterwards, so I'm not exactly an expert on Marathons."

Hopefully you will feel differently after your first sexual encounter in space.

Brian: Which side, the US, Russian or the joining of the two?

We should kick start commercial space development with legalizing prostitution in space. We have to open the new frontier one way or another. We need to get Bigelow on the phone to discuss a new business plan. And you people said the sad sack Brian was of no value.

Sam: "Which side, the US, Russian or the joining of the two?"

Well, of course NASA has to kowtow to Midwestern Protestant prudery to keep its funding, so no working girls in the American section. The Russians probably wouldn't have any objections, but there would always be a danger that it was being recorded unbeknownst to the orgasmonauts. Roskosmos is always looking for new revenue streams.

BTW, they should really start doing some research on this kind of stuff, finding out how weightlessness affects the blood and fluid flows during these activities. Tourists wouldn't want to pay that much money to get up there only to find out that they...uh...can't get up there.

Joe: "We should kick start commercial space development with legalizing prostitution in space."

But that would only work if we also ban it everywhere else, and some things are just too high a price to pay even for space. Aside from prostitution, maybe we should have weightless gladiator combat to the death--the Pay Per View revenues should really kick start the industry.

Joe: "We have to open the new frontier one way or another."

Actually, you might be on to something. A relatively small number of people will play games like SpaceShot for a suborbital ride with a company that doesn't even have a vehicle, but how many people would pay money to play a game whose prize is orbital sex with a celebrity?

My guess is it would be substantially higher, and the Terrestrial legalities could be skirted easily enough with weasel words. Don't know if women would be as interested, but the male side of the market would be guaranteed.

Joe: "We need to get Bigelow on the phone to discuss a new business plan."

He should partner with a Japanese love hotel to design a sex module, and fund experiments on Zero-G charters immediately. Because I care so deeply about space, I'd like to volunteer my services as a contractor on these experimental flights, and vigorously research the subject with the help of highly trained professional technicians in the field.

Joe: "And you people said the sad sack Brian was of no value."

They did? Well now my feelings are hurt, and I'm going to have to seriously rethink posting here.

Well, I did run the Marine Corps Marathon in 1996.

Things I do remember that are connected with the event:

• Being really tired and achy after the event
  
• The NSS crew cheering me on at mile 13. I still remember someone shouting "That's Chuck Divine!" with everyone then cheering "Go, Chuck, Go!"
  
• My mother that evening telling me to look at Parade magazine. On the cover was a photo of an 81 year old who had just finished his 20th marathon.
  
• A beautiful blonde in my yoga class who said to me "I really admire your discipline for finishing the marathon." Yes, I stood there stunned into silence, in part because those were the first words she'd ever spoken to me.
  
• Surprising my high school classmates with the news some years later.
  
• Getting really sick in November (the marathon is the end of October)

While there is more than a bit of a publicity stunt in this effort, it is an interesting way for astronauts and NASA to connect to the public. Is the astronaut's effort the same as those on the ground? Not exactly, but it is still quite impressive. For that matter, no two marathoners are the same -- and their efforts are also not the same.

A couple of Soldiers and Marines in Iraq didn't want to break their consecutive runnings in the Houston Marathon, so they laid out a course in Baghdad and ran the course. They didn't have the same ordeal either...

One can say that running in Baghdad is worse than Houston, which is worse than Space. However, how many of us would want to be literally strapped to a treadmill for a few hours with nothing to look at but a bulkhead. Most people wouldn't want to run a marathon distance on a track with nothing but lap after lap to look forward too. She won't even get to turn left?

Of course, this goes back to Sam's point that conjugal visits would probably help prevent such questions of sanity.

On the other hand, they might just lead to diaper-wearing murder plots.

I didn't understand that myself. Aren't astronauts supposed to have organisational and rational thinking skills? Why the hell didn't she just pop a cap in her ass?

She worked for NASA, remember. Got to have the big Looney Tunes mallet, Acme rocket skates, spring-loaded accoutrements, and super-detailed plan, then fail anyway.