With Greg Gutfeld:

How do you define your politics? When and why did you become a conservative?

I was a lefty in high school—which is normal because it’s a romantic thing to do—being a crusading lib makes everything in the world about YOU and YOUR FEELINGS. Which coincides nicely with being a teenager. It’s all about speaking truth to power, which translated, means, LOOK AT ME. It’s OK when kids do it—but it’s gross when adults do it, because you really should have grown out of that stage. This is why so many celebs become lefties when they hit their 27th birthday—their growth was stunted. The celebs who are righties tend to have lived a lot more than the others.

Anyway, I was in a debate in high school, on the pros and cons of mutually assured destruction. I took the con side, since I was anti-nuke. This guy Jeff Philliber took the pros. Jeff was kind of a nerd. I wasn’t. Sorry Jeff, but it was true. But anyway, I breezed through my opening remarks. Then Jeff wipes the floor, the windows, the lockers, and the small of his back with me. It’s really weird to be in a debate, and to realize the other person is dead right. So I did something cheap and sleazy. I played to the crowd with wisecracks—and I can’t remember how I did this.

I had a friend of mine send a note to the classroom to say I had an emergency at home. So I was able to leave. I came back in the end, and the class voted on the outcome and I won the debate. This is 23 years ago, and I still remember the whole thing. I bet Jeff Philliber doesn’t! But at that point I realized I was an imposter. And if an imposter can hold liberal beliefs so easily, then they aren’t really beliefs. I prove that at the Huffington Post daily.

That's not the funny part. Read the whole thing.

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