For those lacking patience, I give you the two-minute Haggadah.

Speaking of children: We hid some matzoh. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.

The story of Passover: It's a long time ago. We're slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh is a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues upon the Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzoh. God parts the Red Sea. We make it through; the Egyptians aren't so lucky. We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.)

Happy Passover.

[via Joe Katzman]

Most Jewish holidays can be summarized in three sentences:

Someone tries to kill us.

They fail.

Let's eat!

Speaking of children: We hid some matzoh. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.

I passed this along to my wife as many of her co-workers are Jewish. She told me this line was greated with much laughter at her office. But some reason, she declined to share Jane Bernstein's meat or milk scalpel joke.

In my opinion, that was funny.

I mentioned it at shabbat dinner last night. Both jokes actually.. I'd been saving the other one.

Express Haggadah. Makes me glad my family is Reform.

Here is one of my favorites. Not really a Jewish joke although the version I encountered featured Jewish people.

A rabbi had an appointment with a leading member of his congregation. The fellow came in all distraught.

"I'm afraid I've had some set-backs. Some problems in my life."

"Can I help?" The rabbi said.

"Probably not. Much of it has to do with business. Sadly, I will need to reduce my current level of financial contribution."

"Of course, we only expect you to do what you can. But you seem anxious and personally upset as well. Let me suggest that you turn to Scripture. Open to a random page and read whatever passage strikes your eye."

"I don't think that will help me."

Many months later, the same fellow came back driving a new Cadillac and offering a larger check than ever before.

"What happened" asked the rabbi, "you look terrific. Calm, tan, successful."

"I took your advice. I opened up the Bible and my problems were solved."

"I must ask. What did you read, there."

"Chapter 11"