I was going to do a satire on the bizarro world in which this actually might occur, but the Ace of Spaces beat me to it. He has other, pertinent aerospace-related news, too.

..engineers at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that they had successfully granted a 200-pound sow the power of flight. "We just grafted four pairs of condor wings on to the pig," said Henry Fields, project manager of the Winged Wilbur project. "You should see that pig fly. It's something to behold, I'll tell you. And we're going to need flying pig technology in the future, given the widespread effects of global environmental change. The latest reports of the temperatures plummeting in Hell should be a warning to us all."

[Update at 5:40 PM PDT]

Scrappleface has apparently been visiting that planet as well.

We need to get the cost of access to space down so we can all move there.