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To paraphrase Jay Sherman, The (“It stinks!”) Critic.

I saw Attack of the Clones yesterday. I have no idea what Lileks saw in it, but then he seems into things that are campy and kitschy, and this was in spades.

But boy, if I didn’t think that those guys who waited in line to see it for months were idiots before (and I actually did), I sure do now.

I will say that I managed to stay awake, and that there was, as expected, the usual Lucas eye candy.

But I really get upset when basic physics and physiology is ignored. No, I’m not talking about the warp drive starships, or even the swerving dogfights–I’ll grant them that–they have some kind of propulsion system beyond our current ken.

But when a chain is attached to a guy’s wrists, and the tension is increased to the point at which something has to give, and the chain breaks instead of the wrists, come on…

And those love scenes.

Those were just painful.

You felt embarrassed for the actors who had to mouth those lines. People have said that the acting was terrible, and maybe it was, but I don’t think that Burton and Taylor could have pulled off that dialogue any better. I do get the sense that Portman is just sleepwalking her way through the series, though. It was a disappointing performance, given her great work in the past. But she’s young.

Overall, in terms of the acting, I agree with the consensus–the best dramatist in the movie by far was Yoda–who was computer generated.

Lucas needs to work with someone who knows how to:

• Write dialog
  
• Look for logical plot holes
  
• Direct real actors, as opposed to animatronics and CGI
  
• Cast

If he’d collaborate with someone or several someones who have those skills, and focused himself on making aliens and imaginary planets and cities, he might have a shot at making a good movie.

The Journal has picked up the story about Padilla/Muhajir being John Doe #2. (For paid subscribers only, unfortunately).

I found these quotes from the FBI interesting:

…The FBI, which isn’t taking these claims seriously, now says that John Doe 2 probably never existed…

…FBI officials dismiss talk of any likeness. “We couldn’t find any evidence to indicate there was a John Doe 2 despite what people were saying,” said one FBI official. As for the Padilla link, he said, “You’re kidding, right?…”

Well, from what I’ve seen of the many eyewitness accounts, there was a lot of evidence that he existed. And given the FBI’s performance, in that case and many others before and since, leading right up to the present, I find their inability to find something or someone less than compelling evidence that he doesn’t exist…

And of course, it’s impossible to prove non-existence.

Certainly, new proof of his existence would be quite embarrassing for the FBI, and the former Clinton Administration officials, including a certain candidate for governor in Florida, who basically halted the investigation once they found their politically-opportune right-wing militia types.

It just wouldn’t have done to complicate the case with Middle Eastern connections–Clinton might have had to actually do something about it, and it would have distracted the public from the “right-wing hate radio” spin that he was using to resurrect his so-far failed presidency in early 1995.

Now it turns out that Alexander Graham Bell didn’t invent the telephone. According to the story, he stole it from an Italian inventor.

Maybe the guy had trouble proving it worked, because he kept waving the receiver around as he talked…

“Venire qui, Watsone–tu ho bisogno di…”

“Potrebbe ripetere per favore?”

“Watsone?”

It’s not just the executive. The French have voted in a “right-wing” (quotes because Ralph Nader would be considered right-wing in France) legislature.

It’s not just the executive. The French have voted in a “right-wing” (quotes because Ralph Nader would be considered right-wing in France) legislature.

It’s not just the executive. The French have voted in a “right-wing” (quotes because Ralph Nader would be considered right-wing in France) legislature.

Condi says no way, no how will the Palestinian Authority be involved in the formation of a Palestinian state. Bye bye, Yasser.

No, it’s legalized prostitution.

Like the various ways to collect interest by other names to get around the Islamic injunction against usury, this is another amazing example of the contortions of language that people will go through to remain consistent with unrealistic religious beliefs.

No, it’s legalized prostitution.

Like the various ways to collect interest by other names to get around the Islamic injunction against usury, this is another amazing example of the contortions of language that people will go through to remain consistent with unrealistic religious beliefs.