December 14th, 2007

COLORADO SPRINGS (APUPI) As a mass memorial service was held today for the seventy-three victims of the massacre at the New Life Church, one of the largest such grim tolls in the nations’ history, gun-control advocates pointed out the continuing folly of allowing civilians access to pistols and assault weapons.

“This never would have happened had Matthew Murray not been able to get his hands on those weapons, ” said Sarah Brady, head of Handgun Control, Incorporated. “He had two handguns, an assault rifle, and a thousand rounds of ammunition. Seventy-three people are dead now, and thousands more wounded, because the NRA continues to block reasonable gun-control measures.”

With Sunday’s slaughter still fresh in the minds of many, she pointed out that now was the time to end such incidents once and for all, with effective laws against both handguns and assault weapons.

The toll was horrific for the church, which lost not only many parishioners, but its senior pastor, Brady Boyd. Also killed was Jeanne Assam, one of the church’s security guards. She had bravely stood up and warned the gunman as he entered the building after killing two girls in the parking lot, and pointed out the “gun-free zone” sign at the church entrance. However, she herself was unarmed, per church policy, and was shot down before Murray went on to shoot numerous others behind her.

While the police are to be commended on their fast response of twelve minutes from the time someone had the presence of mind to call 911 on their cell phone, by the time they could bring in someone to take out the shooter, he had had time to kill sixty nine others, and wound another hundred and twenty one.

Some have made the controversial suggestion that the death toll might have been lower had Ms. Assam been allowed to carry a firearm herself, something which, as a former police officer, she was well trained to do. In addition, she held a permit to legally carry a concealed weapon in Colorado. But the church rules, for obvious safety reasons, didn’t allow weapons on the premises.

Mrs. Brady finds such suggestions dangerous and ludicrous. “What is a woman going to do with a handgun against a man with two pistols and an assault rifle?” she asked. “Adding more weapons to the mix would only have increased the carnage. What they needed was bigger letters on the sign.”

[Copyright 2007 by Rand Simberg]

As is the case with their war against the war, their war against Christmas isn’t going so well, either:

Despite the disappointing weekend showing, MPAA spokesman Bell said that industry still has high hopes for 17 more anti-Santa films that will open nationwide this weekend, including “The Reindeer Hunter,” “Shop Loss,” and Quentin Tarantino’s much anticipated “Workshop of Blood.”

[Hint for the humor impaired–it’s Iowahawk, on a roll]

Senate Leaders Warn: Administration May Try to Spin Victory Claim

Aug. 16th, 1945.

WASHINGTON, DC (Routers) Network experts today cast doubt on the authenticity of the enigmatic recording released by the Administration yesterday, and alleged to be a radio address by Emperor Hirohito. Some Administration figures have begun to spin the alleged recording as a “surrender” speech broadcast by Hirohito on Japanese radio, although objective experts have pointed out that, as Hirohito’s voice has never been heard in public before, there is no way to guarantee that the voice was actually his, or even that it had been actually broadcast on Japanese radio.

“We have only the recording made by a military monitoring station on occupied Okinawa. Obviously the Truman Administration and the OSS could have fabricated the recording as a part of the campaign to spin the administration’s war as a ‘victory’,” said one expert, speaking on background.

Objective experts also pointed out that the alleged speech was made in an obscure form of Japanese purported to be the “court dialect,” which was scarcely intelligible to normal Japanese speakers. All of the translations have been made by linguists in government employ, another suspicious circumstance. Administration spokesmen, when questioned on this point, objected that virtually every American able to translate Japanese is currently on government payroll. When asked to comment on this statement, the expert smiled and said “That’s convenient, isn’t it?”

Due to the use of the alleged court dialect, translations have differed widely. The administration claims, for example, that the Emperor’s words could be translated as having “accepted the Four Power Declaration.” Other linguists objected, stating that the words actually translated more accurately as “have heard the Four Power Declaration,” a reading that does not imply that Japan has agreed to its terms, or will cease fighting. “It’s ambiguous,” said one.

They also pointed out that the emperor’s call for the Japanese to “endure the unendurable” could equally be interpreted as a call for the Japanese to endure yet more combat and bombing.

Anti-war leaders in the Senate were adamant in warning the American public not to fall for Administration spin. They claim that they are not going to back down from their demands for an end to the war. One Senate staffer was vehement:

“This is yet one more attempt by the administration to rally public support for a pointless, costly war that America has already lost. We have supposedly had victory in Europe for months now, yet the troops still remain, facing the dread Werewolf insurgency. Thousands of American casualties show up in the sick call every morning, incapacitated by venereal disease and alcohol poisoning from the “victory celebrations” staged by the administration. Tens of thousands of Germans are emigrating to Brazil and Argentina, deprived of their homes and livelihoods by the administration’s “denazification” process,” and hundreds of thousands of Jews have left Europe for America and Palestine. No matter what kind of shine the administration wants to put on this, this war will never be over until they return.”

He went on: “Now our occupation of the portion of the Japanese homeland in Okinawa is driving the Japanese to fiercer resistance. Millions of Japanese troops remain undefeated on the Japanese mainland, and in the home islands themselves. It defies logic that the Emperor would surrender while these forces remain undefeated, or even tested. How many more American lives will be lost in this senseless war? The only sensible policy, which we believe the American people endorsed in the 1944 elections, is to withdraw all troops from the Atlantic and Pacific theaters immediately, release Admiral Doenitz, and his ministers from the OSS prison where they were brought through illegal rendition, along with the rightful President of France, Marshall Petain, and to bring US forces home immediately from Okinawa and other occupied Japanese territories. We should also look into what happened to the Fuerher, who may come out of hiding, wherever he is, if he realizes that we’re now ready to be reasonable and end this war. Peace can be pursued by requesting that the Spanish Caudillo, General Franco, and the Emperor of Manchuria, who have an interest in regional peace, mediate with the German and Japanese governments.”

“It’s too bad that 600,000 American casualties were squandered by the Roosevelt and Truman administrations in their pointless war on questionable grounds, sparked by the suspect and disputed ‘Pearl Harbor’ incident. However, their blood is on the administration’s hands. We are only trying to save further American lives by recognizing reality and rejecting false claims that ‘victory’ is near.”

Copyright 2007 by Transterrestrial Musings

The California fires were started by those wascally Jews, and here’s the proof.

The California fires were started by those wascally Jews, and here’s the proof.

The California fires were started by those wascally Jews, and here’s the proof.

The Nobel Peace Prize committee disbands.

Iowahawk has dug up another teevee classic from our childhoods.

Lee Bollinger’s Disease.

Maybe we need a telethon.