Category Archives: Satire

In Defense of Speaker Pelosi

It’s all part of a vast, nonpartisan conspiracy:

Poor Nancy Pelosi. For more than two years, our beloved House Speaker has been fighting for the public interest, toiling to restore “integrity and civility” to the Capitol’s lower chamber, and striving to shape the most ethical Congress in world history. And what is her reward for this selfless service? The cruel wrath of a vicious, widespread, nonpartisan conspiracy—designed to convince the American public that she is lying and playing politics with national security. This cabal is especially insidious because it involves so many disparate, and seemingly unrelated, players. Further still, its nefarious and remarkably prescient architects had the foresight to begin crafting the phony case against Pelosi years ago, fabricating evidence and coordinating lies as far back as 2002. These people must be exposed and thwarted to preserve Mme. Pelosi’s honor.

That’s just the beginning.

The Journochat

Iowahawk has managed to penetrate the Journolist, and found a copy of the latest chat session:

SPENCER ACKERMAN: did katha leave?

MATTHEW YGLESIAS: yeah

SPENCER ACKERMAN: shes a total bitch but she’s right… none of the hot media girls will hang out with us

EZRA KLEIN: i/k, but i don’t get it… i know i used to have kind of a complexion problem but it cleared up after i started using ProActiv

CHRIS HAYES: i/k a couple of us are a little chubby but were all pretty cute and it’s not like we wear gross clothes or anything

SPENCER ACKERMAN: ya but the only girls who will talk to us are ugly av club lepers like katha and jane hamsher and amanda marcotte

EZRA KLEIN: dont forget the two naomis

MATTHEW YGLESIAS: ewwwwww

JOSH MARSHALL: sometimes i really hate my body… does anyone know any good fast diets?

ERIC ALTERMAN: dont fall in that trap josh… read the article in the May Teen Utne about dealing with body image

MATTHEW YGLESIAS: idk if im ready to really be with a girl

KATHA POLLITT has entered the room.

KATHA POLLITT: this is katha and jane and amanda!! we are at amandas house and we have been reading EVERYTHING you boys said!!!! F/U!!! i hope your happy, jane is crying in the bathroom!!!

EZRA KLEIN: oh s**t sorry

KATHA POLLITT: tell it to jane you JERK-O-LIST AZZHOLES!! And guess what ezra?? I have a screen cap of the whole thing!!! I bet mickey kaus will be interested in seeing it!!!!

EZRA KLEIN: come on dont do that katha

KATHA POLLITT: too late ezra, and you can write ur own f**king blogpost for 1st period. FTW!!!

KATHA POLLITT has left the room.

MATTHEW YGLESIAS: faaaaack

EZRA KLEIN: we’re screwed

JOSH MARSHALL:

Highlarious.

You Know They’ve Gone Too Far

…when they’ve nationalized Iowahawk:

The legislative charter of the TWRA, established by Congress and the President, specifies its principle goal as the preservation of jobs in the critically important blogging sector of the American economy. Thus the board invited Mr. Burge to present a formal proposal on March 11. After a brief negotiation period, Mr. Burge’s initial request of $6.3 billion was lowered to a mutually agreeable $750 and cab fare to the Greyhound station. In exchange, Mr. Burge agreed to (1) regularly submit the financial records of Iowahawk to TWRA oversight regulators, (2) cease outsourcing joke production to foreign subcontractors, and (3) implement a rigorous program of personal hygiene.

Well, at least they didn’t force a merger with Saturday Night Live.