Category Archives: Satire

Humor, Political Commentary, Satire

Comply With Me

35 Comments

…Before you fly away.

[Update a while later]

Following the lead of CAIR, as head of the Council of American-Simbergic Relations (CASR), I have just issued myself the following memo:

Special recommendations for Simbergic men who, as part of their quaint and colorful cultural tradition, are required to wear pants in public:

* If you are selected for secondary screening after you go through the metal detector and it does not go off, and “sss” is not written on your boarding pass, ask the TSA officer if the reason you are being selected is because of your trousers, and specifically your skivvies.
* In this situation, you may be asked to submit to a pat-down or to go through a full body scanner. If you are selected for the scanner, you may ask to go through a pat-down instead.
* Before you are patted down, you should remind the TSA officer that they are only supposed to pat down the area in question, in this scenario, the groinal region. They SHOULD NOT subject you to a full-body or partial-body pat-down.
* You may ask to be taken to a private room for the pat-down procedure of said trouser snake, and have it performed by a smokin’ hot woman. You may also ask for extra time, and cigarettes afterwards, if you smoke.
* If there is no woman available, or if she is insufficiently pulchritudinous and compliant with your special pat-down needs, instead of the pat-down, you can always request to pat down yourself, particularly the pelvic area, and have the officers perform a chemical swipe of your hands.

The latter won’t be a major imposition on me, because I already pat down my junkawesome and monstrous instrument of female pleasurin’ several times a day (only in the interests of security, of course), though I usually don’t have anyone to perform the requisite chemical swipe afterwards, so that will be a government-subsidized bonus for me. I am a vaguely semitic appearing person, and I am always very suspicious of me, as are most people who meet me, with good reason. I never know what I may have in my pants.

[Update mid afternoon]

Humor, Media Criticism, Political Commentary, Satire

Man, Hitler Is Having A Really Bad Week

13 Comments

First the Dems losing the House big time, and now this.

I have to say, though, that the substitution of “Olbermann” for “Steiner” is a little jarring, given that they’re both German names (hey, I never thought how appropriate his name was until now…). I’m sure that people fluent in German have to find these quite annoying. But for the rest of us, they’re the gift that keeps on giving.