Deepak Chopra — owned:
[Via Jonah]
Category Archives: Humor
Matt Labash
…doesn’t seem to fear having his…whatever shoved through a plate-glass window. His thoughts on Mr. Ackerman:
From his hermetically sealed masturbatorium, he can…rhetorically threaten people who have soft hands and who type about politics for a living, but who could still pound the Bad Brains out of him (punk reference!) if they ever came face to face, even if it devolved into a girls-school windmill slap-fight, which it probably would. Though they won’t come face-to-face, of course, because being a tough-guy Washington blogger is a bit like being a phone-sex operator: you can pretend you’re sexy, even when you’re wearing a ratty terry cloth robe, hot curlers, and bunny slippers. Just like as a tough guy blogger, you can pretend on the outside that you want to crease the skull of Frank Foer with a baseball bat or annihilate Ryan Lizza in front of his toddler, while on the inside, you’re a moony-eyed trembling fanboy who writes unicorn-and-silly-bandz sentences such as “Yes we did!” when your swain wins an election. Which is sooo not punk rock. But that’s where the Black Flag t-shirt comes in. It’s a symbol. And what it symbolizes is that Hackerman is a dangerous man, not to be trifled with, since Black Flag was an ur-punk band whose former lead singer, Henry Rollins, was a genuine American badass, the Attackerman of his day. You could tell this, because he swore a lot, and wore tight black t-shirts. Even now, screwing with Rollins is like making a death wish. There’s no telling what that muscled wall of menace might do. He might write a really bitchy spoken-word piece about you, then release it as a podcast.
There’s a lot more where that came from. I wouldn’t want to be these “progressive” dweebs. Of course, I would have never wanted to.
[Via Treacher]
Quake in your boots.
From Ban Ki-Moon
This is my favorite spam scam so far:
Attention:
How are you today? Hope all is well with you and family? You may not understand why this email came to you. We have been having a meeting for the passed 7 months which ended 2 days ago with the then secretary to the UNITED NATIONS.
This email is to all the people that have been scammed in any part of the world, the UNITED NATIONS have agreed to compensate them with the sum of USD $850,000 (Eight hundred and fifty thousand United State Dollars Only), This also includes every foreign contractors that may have not received their contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems etc.
We found your name in our list and that is why we are contacting you, this has been agreed upon and have been signed.
You are advised to contact Mr. Bret Wilson of BLAKWOODS INTERNATIONAL BANK UNITED KINGDOM, as he is our representative in Malaysia, contact him immediately for your payment of USD$850,000 (Eight hundred and fifty thousand United State Dollars Only)which way you need the fund to be delivered. So he will send it to you and you can clear it in any means of your choice.
You are advice to get in contact with Mr, Bret Wilson and provide him with below information.
Full Name:
Address:
Telephone Number:Person to Contact Mr. Bret Wilson.
Email: bretwilson@secretarias.comThanks and God bless you and your family, Hoping to hear from you as soon as you cash your Fund.
Making the world a better place.
Regards,
Mr. Ban Ki-Moon
UN Secretary General.
This E-mail and any attachment are confidential and intended only for the use of the individuals or entity named above and may contain information that is privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, you are notified that any dissemination, distribution or copying of this E-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this E-mail in error, please notify us immediately by return E-mail or telephone and destroy the original message.
I’ll be sure to do that.
One More Unbelievable Thing About Star Wars
Princess Leia’s hair.
Nobody Does Similes
…like Lileks:
…the power stayed on, damn the luck. In fact the entire storm skirted us – 60 MPH winds downtown, but here at Jasperwood we just got gusts and downpours, the far edge of the mayhem. I was stupid enough to put fresh batteries in one of the lights, too. Now they’ll be useless the next time I need them. They will sit in the lantern for a year and quietly drain themselves, like old men peeing in their pants while they sleep.
There’s a lot more where that came from.
[Update a few minutes later]
I know, I say to read the whole thing, and I didn’t before I posted this. So farther down, I found this:
And must we start with a rap song? Must we? It was like the trailer for “Nanny McPhee Returns,” which have “Everything Little Thing She Does (is Magic)” by the Police to remind you that, you know, Nanny uses Magic. Nevermind that it seems to take place in England in the 30s. I doubt it’s in the movie itself, but when they stick in the Obligatory Pop Song it not only takes you out of the world they’ve constructed, you feel like you’re being treated like a fool. Don’t worry! It may be set in the past, icky icky, but it’s hip as all hell! Here’s a 25-year-old pop song to prove it!
I watched a dumb Jennifer Aniston flick
Two Randy Vicars
Iowahawk has the sordid tale:
It happened that in Washingtown-on-Beltway there once ministered to the shire folk two vicars of remarkable and resolute piety. Polite history shall record their names and peerages as the Reverend John St. Edwards, Lord Plaintiff of Durham, and the Reverend Albert des Gores II, Earl Carbonet of Greenhouse. It shall likewise note well that each man, in his fashion, was a virtuoso upon his respective pulpit. What it shan’t record, however, is each man’s slavish indenture to the base desires of the flesh. As every schoolboy knows, as well he does his Latin infinitives, few are those men whose breeches are immune to the Devil’s disturbances. In the case of our two ill-fortuned subjects, Lucifer himself seemed to take particular delight in presenting ribald temptations and the debasing consequences that follow. Herein lies their tale.
Well, it actually lies at the other end of the link.
Grand Canyons
I have to confess a little skepticism, though — there are no interstates above the Grand Canyon. The closest one, I-40, is sixty miles south of the rim.
Also, Apple’s new customer service.
I Hate When This Happens
This seems like a paramedic’s nightmare:
Police said that in their investigation they learned that the people inside the car were dressed as zombie costumes and they were headed to a party at the time of the crash.
Yeah, a likely story.
Sgt. Greg Stewart said people who witnessed the crash initially thought the victims’ injuries were much more serious, because of the zombie costumes.
“We’re glad that everyone is alive, despite being ‘undead’,” Sgt. Stewart said, referring to the costumes.
I think that this was just a probe of the defenses, myself.
Is Sex And The City…
Missile To The Moon
A movie review. That rocket looks a heckuva lot like a V-2, to my eye.