A little gentle Socratic method.
Category Archives: Humor
So You Lost Your Election
Heartfelt life-transition advice for former Washington bigwigs:
At Iowahawk Congressional Outplacement Services our primary goal is to orient, retrain, and mainstream former employees of Capitol Hill for productive careers outside Washington. While we can’t get you back your seniority, your perks, or your mahogany-paneled office in the Dirksen Building, we can give you the tools you’ll need after your ignominious rejection by those bastard ingrates you’ll soon be living among. Follow this step-by-step guide and you’ll be back on your feet in no time! Probably.
Step 1: Assess Your Skills and Competencies
The road to your new non-Washington career begins with an inventory of your personal strengths and competencies. Read the critical skill list below, and circle the ones that you possess.
* Telling other people what to do
* Demanding money
* Peddling influence
* Talking loudly over others
* Condescension / arrogance
* Threatening, browbeating, arguing
* Narcissism
* Evading responsibility
* Spin controlAs a former Washington professional, you probably circled four or more of the above. Yes, there are some private sector industries where these skills are valued – such as journalism, bill collection, professional wrestling, higher education, and carnival barking. Unfortunately, these are all declining industries with low wages and/or fierce job competition. In order to maintain your standard of living, you will probably have to seek employment in other industries where you will find surprisingly little demand for your skills.
I think he’s overoptimistic on how fast they’ll be back on their feet. But at least they’ll be off our backs.
Keeping My Readers Safe For The Holidays
An important public service announcement.
Me, Too
What Santa wants for Christmas.
Actually the Worst.Congress.Evah did give me a Christmas present yesterday — they (finally) adjourned. I wish though, that I’d gotten it for my birthday, in January 2009.
Michael Vick’s Ant Farm
On Hannity last night, Jim Geraghty reportedly (according to Jim, in his daily email) said that if Michael Vick was going to be allowed to have pets again, he should have to start small — give him an ant farm, and see if he started up ant-fighting rings. I’d also not allow him to own a magnifying glass. If that works out, he could move on to guppies, and then gerbils.
“Episodes Of Sunshine”
That’s the current forecast for December 30th in Redondo Beach at Accuweather.
A CCW Joke
From an email list:
A guy cruises through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman.
He hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.
“Okay, Mr. Smith,” the cop says, “I see your CHL permit. Are you carrying today?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Well then, better tell me what you got.”
Smith says, “Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box.
And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.
“Okay,” the cop says. “Anything else?”
“Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun.
That’s about it.”
“Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range…?”
“Nope.”
“Well then, what are you afraid of…?”
“Not a damn thing…”
For Zombie Fans
Or, better yet, zombie haters, here’s sixty-nine seconds of non-stop zombie slaughter.
Oh, the unhumanity.
Where is Unhuman Rights Watch? Aren’t zombies people, too? This is worse than Pol Pot.
[Via Jonah]
Truth In Advertising
This bubble’s got to pop soon.
Asking The Important Questions
Is Batman a state actor?
In Batman’s case, Commissioner Gordon is certainly a person for whom the State is responsible, and Batman often acts together with Gordon and obtains significant aid from Gordon in the form of information and evidence. Batman’s conduct is also otherwise chargeable to the State because the Gotham Police Department has worked with Batman on numerous occasions (and thus knows his methods) and operates the Bat Signal, expressly invoking Batman’s assistance in a traditionally public function. This suggests state action under the public function theory: “when private individuals or groups are endowed by the State with powers or functions governmental in nature, they become agencies or instrumentalities of the State and subject to its constitutional limitations.” Evans v. Newton, 382 U.S. 296, 299 (1966).
But what about Superman? And who’s going to enforce the law against him?
[Update a couple minutes later]
Related: the brain-kill forensics of zombies.