After all these decades, I was surprised to learn a couple of years ago in an eye exam that I’m somewhat color blind. It’s never affected my life, as far as I know — I see red lights on a green Christmas tree, and I’ve never had trouble distinguishing between red and green traffic signals. But apparently others must see the colors more vividly than I do. Or perhaps it was a late onset kind of thing. Anyway, though I can see many red spots, I can’t quite make out the message on this shirt. Which is probably a good thing.
Category Archives: Humor
The Business Suit
Via Geek Press, who also brings us this: who gets to grope you?
[Afternoon update]
Here’s more info on the Venn diagram at BoingBoing.
Thoughts On Eskimos
From the strange mind of James Lileks:
As we were all taught in grade school, the Eskimos came across the land bridge from Russia, which broke once they were across, and then they settled down and built igloos, invented 37 words for snow, made parkas with fur around the face, and fished. the teacher would note that some continued to go south, and eventually populated the rest of the Americas, where they spent their time raising Maize and not inventing the wheel, hanging around wearing loincloths, and playing a game that involved putting a rubber ball through a stone circle. They also invented chocolate. Then the Spanish came, and –
Hold on, Teacher, why didn’t the Eskimos keep moving south?
We don’t know.
But why would anyone stay there? Especially when the rest of the guys are moving on?
We don’t know.
So the Eskimos are sitting in snow up to their eyebrows, and some guys say “hey, we’re going to keep moving, because this sucks,” and the Eskimos stay because they think it can’t possibly get any better?
We don’t know.
Also, some technological prognostication: videopaint.
It Would Be An Honor Just To Be Nominated
Sort of…
Go check out the Iowahawk man and woman of the year. In one case, it’s hard to tell whether it’s a man or a woman, though.
Mixed Marriage
What a headline. Natalie Portman is getting hitched to a millipede?
And she’s already preggers?
Well, she’s rich, I suppose she can afford all of the baby shoes.
[whisper]
What?
[whisper]
Oh.
Never mind.
Questions For “Progressives”
A little gentle Socratic method.
So You Lost Your Election
Heartfelt life-transition advice for former Washington bigwigs:
At Iowahawk Congressional Outplacement Services our primary goal is to orient, retrain, and mainstream former employees of Capitol Hill for productive careers outside Washington. While we can’t get you back your seniority, your perks, or your mahogany-paneled office in the Dirksen Building, we can give you the tools you’ll need after your ignominious rejection by those bastard ingrates you’ll soon be living among. Follow this step-by-step guide and you’ll be back on your feet in no time! Probably.
Step 1: Assess Your Skills and Competencies
The road to your new non-Washington career begins with an inventory of your personal strengths and competencies. Read the critical skill list below, and circle the ones that you possess.
* Telling other people what to do
* Demanding money
* Peddling influence
* Talking loudly over others
* Condescension / arrogance
* Threatening, browbeating, arguing
* Narcissism
* Evading responsibility
* Spin controlAs a former Washington professional, you probably circled four or more of the above. Yes, there are some private sector industries where these skills are valued – such as journalism, bill collection, professional wrestling, higher education, and carnival barking. Unfortunately, these are all declining industries with low wages and/or fierce job competition. In order to maintain your standard of living, you will probably have to seek employment in other industries where you will find surprisingly little demand for your skills.
I think he’s overoptimistic on how fast they’ll be back on their feet. But at least they’ll be off our backs.
Keeping My Readers Safe For The Holidays
An important public service announcement.
Me, Too
What Santa wants for Christmas.
Actually the Worst.Congress.Evah did give me a Christmas present yesterday — they (finally) adjourned. I wish though, that I’d gotten it for my birthday, in January 2009.
Michael Vick’s Ant Farm
On Hannity last night, Jim Geraghty reportedly (according to Jim, in his daily email) said that if Michael Vick was going to be allowed to have pets again, he should have to start small — give him an ant farm, and see if he started up ant-fighting rings. I’d also not allow him to own a magnifying glass. If that works out, he could move on to guppies, and then gerbils.