Category Archives: Humor

Business, Economics, Humor, Political Commentary

Compassionate Conservatism

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Frank J. takes pity on politicians:

I have to admit: I laughed the first time Obama said he was going to “pivot to jobs.” And the second time. And the third time. But by the sixth time, it was getting pretty sad.

And when he proposed his new “jobs bill,” he was so earnest about it that I found myself rooting for the poor guy. It’s just a desperate mishmash of ideas — like he knows that one button on the keyboard starts a program, so he’s going to mash all of them with his palm — and as funny as it is, I’m starting to worry that his blundering like this is getting in the way of people who actually do create jobs (namely, business owners and such).

So this has gone on long enough. I know some people don’t feel any sympathy for the politicians; much like reality-show contestants, they selected themselves for this mockery. Still, this is no way to treat fellow human beings or even lawyers.

Plus, what if eventually the politicians become so frustrated that one of them says, “I have a brilliant idea! Let’s drop an atomic bomb on our own country! The rebuilding it will require will create lots of jobs! We’ll call it the ‘Nuclear Deal.’” It wouldn’t even be their dumbest idea. (Actually, has anyone read through Obama’s entire proposal yet to make sure that’s not in there?)

That would be the Paul Krugman plan.

Business, Economics, Humor, Political Commentary, Satire

A Rogue Trader

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…in a massive “green jobs” fraud:

The fraud – conservatively estimated at $38.6 billion, though others believe it could be at least 20 times bigger once his secret trading accounts in a file mysteriously marked “Stimulus Package” are fully investigated – comfortably exceeds the paltry $2.3 billion losses run up by UBS trader Kweku Adoboli.

Though full details of the Uber Rogue Trader – known only by his initials B.O. – have yet to be released, he is believed to be either of Hawaiian or Kenyan birth, with a plausible speaking manner and a deceptive aura of competence and gravitas. He is said to be “coolly unrepentant” about his crime, which, he claims, he was only doing to provide “hope and change” to his 200 million victims.

The fraud appears to have centred around an arcane taxpayer-swindling system first devised by Kenneth Lay of Enron known as “Clean tech” or “green jobs.” B.O. – who joined the bank in January 2009 – is believed to have persuaded colleagues and shareholders that he could boost the institution’s flagging profits by spending $38.6 billion on a “loan guarantee program” for clean tech start up companies. He also claimed that in the process he would create “65,000 jobs”.

This really is criminal fraud. But I won’t hold my breath waiting for the Justice Department to do anything about it.

Humor, Media Criticism, Political Commentary, Satire

An All-Purpose Editorial

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Frank J. has already written the New York Times campaign editorial for them:

And then there’s [Republican nominee]‘s opinion [Republican nominee view 2]. It’s almost hard to believe. He/she is basically proposing to set the rights of [protected group] back one hundred years. How can someone in this day and age actually argue [Republican nominee view 2]? This is once again thinking that is stuck in the past and won’t continue to move the country forward like President Obama has done. Plus it’s well known that [talking point on Republican nominee view 2].

As for the economy, what has [Republican nominee] proposed? [Republican nominee proposal for the economy]. You have to be kidding me. It’s a lopsided tax cut for the rich at the expense of the poor and the elderly. Obviously, [Republican nominee] is beholden to the unreasonable, extreme views of the Tea Party. His/her ideas are nothing like the balanced approach Obama has proposed with [Obama economic proposal, if available]. Only that approach will continue the progress Obama has already made.

One has to wonder about the intelligence of someone who would believe such radical views as [Republican nominee view 1] and [Republican nominee view 2] and has an economic plan of [Republican nominee proposal for the economy]. People used to question Bush’s intelligence in jest, but at least he was educated at Yale and Harvard and thus had some wisdom about the world. [Republican nominee], on the other hand, is truly a dunce, as we’ve seen with such statements as [gaffe 1] and [gaffe 2]. Does anyone really think [demeaning nickname for Republican nominee] stacks up against the intelligence and poise of President Obama?

And some of the things [Republican nominee] has said that aren’t outright stupid are quite scary. Like when he/she said [Republican nominee statement using the words “black” or “dark” — just something that could be argued to be racist; be creative]. This is obviously a dog whistle to rally people who have a problem with the American president being black. And then he/she said [Republican nominee statement about religion, such as praying to God for guidance]; [Republican nominee] obviously doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state and wants to make this country a theocracy. America doesn’t need its own Taliban.

I’m sure they’ll appreciate it — it will save them a lot of work. You’d think they might be a little concerned about how predictable they are, though.

Business, Economics, Humor, Political Commentary

America Needs A Control Group

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Frank J. has some thoughts on people who are anti-science:

despite the obvious importance of science, one group of people does everything in pure defiance of scientific methods: politicians.

What do politicians do when they think they have a great idea? They just go and implement it. It’s like someone thinking he’s got a cure for cancer and immediately injecting it into everyone he can. That’s a madman, not a scientist. You always have to at least try out your idea on monkeys to make sure it doesn’t kill them.

Were farm subsidies first tried on monkeys? Social Security? Bank bailouts? No, the unscientific politicians went straight to trying all their ideas on humans, and now we have a bunch of bankrupt people instead of harmless bankrupt monkeys.

But the problem with testing political ideas on monkeys is that forcing them to go billions into debt would violate animal-cruelty laws. The only ones we’re allowed to do that to are people.

There was an old joke in the Soviet Union. The teacher is lecturing the class on Karl Marx, and one of the kids raises his hand and says, “Teacher, is it true that Marx was a great scientist?” The teacher answered that, yes, indeed, he was the greatest scientist who had ever lived. The kid thinks for a while, and then says, “If he was such a great scientist, why didn’t he try this crap on rats first?”

Humor, Media Criticism, Political Commentary, Social Commentary

In Bear We Trust

5 Comments

Some thoughts on vintage Forest Service posters:

There were probably debates about “your” versus “thy” versus “my.” It would be confusing to say “thy,” since “thy” always means “God,” but “thy” had more Biblical authority than “your.” “My” might suggest Smokey owned the forests, and was assuming the first-person voice of the author of the other Ten Commandments, and some people have enough trouble with the Trinity without bringing a bear into it.

From you guessed it.