Category Archives: Humor

Why Waste It?

I put up a post over on sci.space.history, in which I had complained about the ancient joke about the Poles sending an expedition to the sun, in which they’d go at night to avoid being burned up.

I pointed out that jokes about ethnic groups that just point out how stupid they are are pointless, since the groups themselves are interchangeable, and have nothing to do with any actual characteristics or history of that ethnic group. In that vein, I provided an example of an appropriate (and I think funny) ethnic joke. I figured that, since I spent the time typing it over on Usenet, I might as well post it here as well:

A guy is walking down the street in Gdansk, and he sees a lamp. He picks it up, brushes the dust off it, and of course, out pops a genie.

“In reward for releasing me from my bondage, I will grant you three wishes. What would you like?”

The guy thinks about it for a while, then he says, “I’d like the Chinese to pillage Warsaw.”

The genie scratches his head at the strange request, then shrugs and says, “OK, here you go.”

The Chinese march in and pillage the Polish capital.

The genie says, “OK, now what’s your second wish? Make it a good one this time.”

The guy thinks about it for a while again, and then he says, “I’d like the Chinese to pillage Warsaw.”

The genie is wondering if he hears him right.

“What do you mean? That was your first wish. They’ve been there, done that. Don’t you want something else?”

The guys says, “No, I want the Chinese to pillage Warsaw.”

The genie throws up his hands, and has the Chinese pillage Warsaw again. This time no woman is left unraped, no one is left alive, many of the buildings have been leveled.

“OK. You get one more wish. Don’t waste it, like you did the others.”

The guy thinks for a long time, and finally, he says, “You know, what I’d really like, is for the Chinese to pillage Warsaw.”

Now the genie is about to have a fit.

“What are you talking about?! There’s nothing left to pillage!”

“I don’t care. I want the Chinese to pillage it anyway.”

Well, the genie has to honor the wish, and this time, when all the festivities are over, the former Polish capital is nothing but a smoldering crater.

The genie says, “You know, we aren’t supposed to ask these things, but I’ve just got to know. Why? Why, three times, you have the Chinese pillage your own country’s capital?”

The guy says, “Look, they did it three times, right?”

The genie says, “Right.”

“So, every time they do that, they cross Russia twice.

Snakes On A Plane Was Ripped Off

…from Chaucer. Figures.

Spoyler alert: If ye haue nat yet sene the performaunce of ‘Serpentes on a Shippe,’ rede nat of the romaunce, for it doth telle of the manye suprises and straunge eventes that happen in the course of the storye, and thus it mayhap shall lessen yower enjoiement of the performaunce yt self.

I just think that it’s great that he finally got a blog after all these centuries.

Pluto Gets Downsized

I haven’t had much (anything, in fact) to say about the Pluto imbroglio. I do think a lot of the commentary about it is kind of silly, anthropomorphizing an icy rock with talk of “poor Pluto.” Get over it, folks.

Here’s what I would have written, if I’d had the time and more inspiration.

Not Work Safe

But pretty amusing. Cliches from alt.s3x.stories.

Blond goddesses with gigantic breasts and gorgeous bodies are all secretly in love with nerdy computer geeks, and their ambition is to move into the apartment next door to a computer geek.

The Superbowl is every wife’s big chance to finally get to f**k 2-4 of her husband’s closest friends, and these friends are always attractive.

There are several Trek-s3x-related ones as well:

Odo quite simply IS the best f**k in the galaxy (he’s a shape shifter, do the math).