Iowahawk remains in the race. I have to say, there are certainly some aspects of his platform that are not without appeal.
Drilling and exploration are important, but this only addresses the “supply” side of the equation. We must also tackle our insatiable “demand” for energy. Thanks to my Piranha Doctrine foreign policy, America’s military will be freed up to go after America’s worst energy demand scofflaws — the celebrity asshole community. Under my administration the Joint Chiefs of Staff will be directed to treat as hostile all private jets flying into Los Angeles airspace, backed up with coordinated pinpoint bombing of mansions and Priuses within the Malibu triangle. Not only will this reduce prices at the pump, it will increase the supply of much needed scrap metal and lumber.
I like the Piranha Doctrine as well. Though Park Slope may not have enough open territory for the cougar reserve.
Iowahawk remains in the race. I have to say, there are certainly some aspects of his platform that are not without appeal.
Drilling and exploration are important, but this only addresses the “supply” side of the equation. We must also tackle our insatiable “demand” for energy. Thanks to my Piranha Doctrine foreign policy, America’s military will be freed up to go after America’s worst energy demand scofflaws — the celebrity asshole community. Under my administration the Joint Chiefs of Staff will be directed to treat as hostile all private jets flying into Los Angeles airspace, backed up with coordinated pinpoint bombing of mansions and Priuses within the Malibu triangle. Not only will this reduce prices at the pump, it will increase the supply of much needed scrap metal and lumber.
I like the Piranha Doctrine as well. Though Park Slope may not have enough open territory for the cougar reserve.
Iowahawk has dug up an old Canadian radio program that is sure to be banned in the Great White North. Warman, of the Mounted:
From the Maritimes to the Yukon, the Great White North was once a lawless land where cruel and offensive opinions roamed free – until one man stood up and brought them to justice. One mighty masked man, clad in the scarlet breechcoat of the Royal Canadian Mounted Human Rights Police, astride a golden disabled lesbian steed, with his faithful transgender Indian scout at his side. Together they rode from Yellowknife to St. John’s, keeping Canadians safe from the spectre of multicultural insensitivity.
The Canadian Broadcast Corporation invites you to return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear as we tell the tales of that legendary singing Human Rights Mountie. It’s time for excitement – it’s time for lawsuits – It’s time for… Warman of the Mounted!
It’s a particularly exciting episode. I expect we’ll see him in the HRC docket presently.
Here’s one for the stupid criminal files. We’ve all heard of putting nylons over your head to conceal your face, but here are a couple mental defectives who robbed a gas station wearing thongs on their heads.
[Via Jonah’s Odd Link Gal, who should just get her own blog]
I don’t frequent Starbucks, because, not being a coffee drinker, or consumer of high-glycemic carbs, they have absolutely no items that appeal to me. But those who do may find this amusing. I particularly liked the Starbucks hater. I might be him if, you know, I ever went to Starbucks. But unlike him, I practice what I preach.
Hey, Father’s Day is coming up, too. This isn’t new, but it’s the first time I’d come across it. Behold, the complete ACME catalog. Considering the election coming up, I could use the anti-nightmare machine. And the atom re-arranger sounds like a proto-form of nanotech and molecular assemblers.
Frankly, there’s just no way around the stark mathematics of the situation: Inconvenience(Me) = 1.0 * Accident(You). It is an inescapable statistical fact, as proven over and over again by my loyal team of Karma accountants — including Sid Blumenthal, Howard Wolfson, and Harold Ickes. Contrary to what some people say, my boys did not learn untraceable poisoning techniques from the Russians. In fact, it was the other way around. And let’s face it: even if Senator Obama receives prompt medical attention for his eventual post-nomination accident, voters in the general election will be repulsed by his grotesque and permanent Dioxin scarring. Once again, Hillary Time.
So today Senator Obama faces a clear choice: (a) stay in the campaign through the convention, wasting millions of dollars on primary advertising and expensive food tasters, or (b) withdraw immediately and graciously transfer his war chest to the only remaining Democratic candidate capable of appealing to hard-working white voters, such as Hillary Rodham Clinton. Same outcome either way, with the possible exception of body count.