Category Archives: Humor
Tanned, Rested And Ready
Iowahawk says that Barack Obama is totally ready for his foreign-policy challenge:
“Mark my words,” Biden promised at the Seattle fundraiser Sunday. “There will be an international crisis. The world will be looking. They’ll say, hey, here is this handsome, clean, ar-ti-cu-late young president, not unlike a very, very tanned John Fitzgerald Kennedy, dancing at his inaugural ball with his beautiful wife who is not unlike a very very very extremely tanned Jackie. And our enemies will think, ‘ba ha ha, look at how thees seely new Amerikanski preseedent dances so! Such skeels can only be from many years in zee dancing school, where theys do not teaching the toughness! Launch zee meesiles!’ But these enemies are in for a big surprise. America’s foes must never confuse Barack Obama’s terrific dance floor moves with weakness — because as an Afro-American African, Barack is a natural dancer.”
…”Ching chow pow!” added Biden, demonstrating his point with several pantomime karate chops. He also issued a pointed warning to the government of Spain.
“Let me be blunt: if you think we will sit idly by while you land your mighty galleons at Boca Raton, and unleash your gleaming-helmeted conqustadores to enslave and convert our whiny retired Jewish-Florida-Americans – well, think again, Cortes. Hey mang, say helloo to my leetle fren’!” said Biden, spraying the room with pantomime machine gun fire.
As a current resident of Rat Mouth of Jewish ancestry, I’ll be ever confident with him holding the nucular football.
Great Line
In a comment over at Free Republic: “Joe The Plumber is the only undocumented worker in America that the Democrats dislike.”
Of course, you could say the same thing about John McCain, except he likes him. So at least he’s consistent.
And Now For Something Completely Different (Part Two)
Jeff Patterson conquers the solar system.
Irreproducible
It’s that time of year again, for the (Ig)nobel prizes.
The Chinese Space Program Has Come A Long Way
Heh.
[From Bruce Webster, via email]
Hot Kinky IMacs
Barack’s teleprompter is very demanding
Please, Get Well
And live a thousand years.
Only P.J. O’Rourke could write an hilarious column about his cancer diagnosis:
Why can’t death — if we must have it — be always glorious, as in “The Iliad”? Of course death continues to be so, sometimes, with heroes in Fallouja and Kandahar. But nowadays, death more often comes drooling on the toilet seat in the nursing home, or bleeding under the crushed roof of a teen-driven SUV, or breathless in a deluxe hotel suite filled with empty drug bottles and a minor public figure whose celebrity expiration date has passed.
I have, of all the inglorious things, a malignant hemorrhoid. What color bracelet does one wear for that? And where does one wear it? And what slogan is apropos? Perhaps that slogan can be sewn in needlepoint around the ruffle on a cover for my embarrassing little doughnut buttocks pillow.
Furthermore, I am a logical, sensible, pragmatic Republican, and my diagnosis came just weeks after Teddy Kennedy’s. That he should have cancer of the brain, and I should have cancer of the ass … well, I’ll say a rosary for him and hope he has a laugh at me. After all, what would I do, ask God for a more dignified cancer? Pancreatic? Liver? Lung?
I don’t believe in God, but it he’s there, please bless him.
Getting To The Real Bailout Issues
Iowahawk has an interview with some of the key players.
Separated At Birth?
I just noted something amusing when I was reading this post about how maybe George Bush really is a fascist (they make a good case), though not Hitler reincarnate.
Just a coincidence, I’m sure.