President-Elect Obama hasn’t even been elected yet, but he’s already started to work his magic on a bitter gun clinger!
Category Archives: Humor
Rorschach Test
Why you should check your kid’s homework.
I have to say, the first thing I thought was an axe, not a shovel. And it took me a while to realize what the others were seeing. But then, I don’t frequent clubs where that sort of thing happens.
[Via Geek Press]
Isn’t That Special?
But what about the Deputy Special Assistants?
They Must Be Doing It Wrong
The head of the UK “Lap Dancer’s Association” says that lap dances are not s3xually stimulating. Well, all right then.
Space Policy Advice to the Obama Transition Team
Block grants.
It’s time for the Federal Government to pass the baton. California’s current GDP is approaching the GDP of the US in 1958 of a bit more than $2 trillion in current dollars. All NASA money should be distributed to States according to Congress’s favorite formula for use “To provide for research into problems of flight within and outside the [E]arth’s atmosphere, and for other purposes.” The States would then have a chance to further freedom as a laboratory of aeronautics and space policy just as they have been a laboratory of democracy.
A Sneak Preview
Iowahawk has discovered the most exciting new car model to be premiered by Congressional Motors. Behold, the Pelosi:
Sporty mag-style hubcaps and an all-new aggressive wedge shape designed by CM’s Chief Stylist Ted Kennedy slices through the wind like an omnibus spending bill. It even features an airtight undercarriage to keep you and a passenger afloat up to 15 minutes — even in the choppy waters of a Cape Cod inlet. Available a rainbow of color choices to match any wardrobe, from Harvest Avocado to French Mustard.
Inside, a luxurious all-velour interior designed by Barney Frank features thoughtful appointments like in-dash condom dispenser and detachable vibrating shift knob. A special high capacity hatchback holds up to 300 aluminum cans, meaning fewer trips to the redemption center. And the standard 3 speaker Fairness ActoPhonic FM low-band sound system means you’ll never miss a segment of NPR again.
I’m sure there will be a long waiting list.
Invading Albion
Iowahawk has become Internationalhawk, perturbing Anglo-American relations with a new column on a British web site:
In the matter of politics you have “Tories” and “Labour” where we have “Republicans” and “Democrats”; just as our “lawyers” must pass the “bar exam,” I’m sure your “barristers” must pass some sort of “pub quiz.” In America we call our stupid white racists “crackers,” where I believe you refer to them as “scones” or “crisps” or something. But these minor language quirks are nothing compared to the many things we have in common. For example, did you know we also have a new Stalinist dictator, and he also turns out to be Brown?
Politically incorrect, as always.
Household Safety Tip
Don’t hang curtains while nude, with an upright potato sitting on the kitchen table:
The vicar had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the vegetable, one of a range of odd items medics in Sheffield have had to remove from people’s backsides or genitals.
Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll – and a carnation.
I really hate it when you accidentally fall bare-assed on a carnation.
[Update a while later]
This raised my eyebrows:
A hospital trust spokeswoman in Sheffield said: “Like all busy hospitals we do see some unusual accidents.
“But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way.”
Yes, because there’s nothing more discreet than talking to a reporter for the Telegraph, and making it national (and on the web, therefore international) news.
I’d Always Wondered That Myself
Lileks has been musing on why the Three Musketeers never had muskets:
Where are their guns? They never have guns. They must have been a grave disappointment when they showed up. We are here, my liege! The Musketeers! Fine, fine, take up position on the parapet, and aim down at – say, where are your muskets? We have them not, my liege! We live life at swordpoint! All for one, and one for – Fine, you have a motto, I know, but I wanted guns. Why do you call yourselves musketeers if you don’t have any bloody muskets? Tres simplisme, monsieur! We must see the whites of our foes’ eyes, wide with fright! We must – Oh shut up and take these muskets and start shooting at something, for God’s sake.
Other amusing pop-cultural observations as well (and as usual).
More Election Thoughts
From Iowahawk:
Less than fifty years ago, African-Americans were barred from public universities, restaurants, and even drinking fountains in many parts of the country. On Tuesday we came together and transcended that shameful legacy, electing an African-American to the country’s top job — which, in fact, appears to be his first actual job. Certainly, it doesn’t mean that racism has disappeared in America, but it is an undeniable mark of progress that a majority of voters no longer consider skin color nor a dangerously gullible naivete as a barrier to the presidency.
It’s also heartening to realize that as president Mr. Obama will soon be working hand-in-hand with a former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard like Senator Robert Byrd to craft the incoherent and destructive programs that will plunge the American economy into a nightmare of full-blown sustained depression. As Vice President-Elect Joe Biden has repeatedly warned, there will be difficult times ahead and the programs will not always be popular, or even sane. But as we look out over the wreckage of bankrupt coal companies, nationalized banks, and hyperinflation, we can always look back with sustained pride on the great National Reconciliation of 2008. Call me an optimist, but I like to think when America’s breadlines erupt into riots it will be because of our shared starvation, not the differences in our color.
Barack will bring us together.