Andrew Klavan has the scoop:
LISTER: Well, the debt is a very serious problem, but by the same token, I think you have to agree that Mitt Romney drove for twelve hours with his dog in a crate on top of his car.
KOC: What?
LISTER: He’s been cited for cruelty by two different animal rights groups.
KOC: Well, okay, but, in his book Dreams From My Father, President Obama says he actually ate a dog!
LISTER: I don’t think we should be talking about dogs at a serious moment like this. Dogs are just a distraction.
KOC: Fine, let’s get back to the economy. Entitlement programs like Social Security and Medicare are projected to consume all tax revenues within thirty years. Social Security could be operating at a deficit within only two years. Congressman Paul Ryan has put forward a serious and politically courageous plan to address entitlement reform. What will be the president’s approach?
LISTER: We’re on it. Even as we speak, we have hired an actor who looks like Congressman Ryan to pretend to push an old woman in a wheelchair off a cliff. I don’t see how the GOP can answer that, especially when you consider that Mitt Romney’s ancestors may have been bigamists.
KOC: Mitt Romney’s ancestors? Barack Obama’s father was a bigamist!
LISTER: I don’t think we should be talking about bigamy at a serious moment like this. Bigamy is just a distraction.
Actually, I’m not sure it’s that big a secret.
Obama says his energy policy is an “all of the above” one. Yet he has used his state department to delay an oil pipeline from Canada and his EPA is waging war on hydraulic fracturing and horizontal drilling. How can he say it’s “all of the above”?
We’re all over it. Even as we speak, we have begun using computer graphics to create advertisements showing what a massive oil spill would look like in the middle of Augusta National golf course.
Who’s proposing an oil pipeline through Augusta?
I never said that. Besides, Mitt Romney drives an SUV.
Well so does the President. I think the Secret Service has a whole fleet of them.
I don’t think we should be talking about personal vehicle preferences at a serious moment like this. It’s just a distraction. Besides, Obama saved GM.
He bailed them out with taxpayer money that won’t ever be repaid. You’re going to run on that?
Here’s my point. This great country has always been committed to the idea of a pristine wilderness available to all through the use of electric vehicles like the Chevy Volt and where a good union wage can allow any middle-class American to become a windmill mechanic.
What?
And it’s Bush’s fault.
Should I be laughing or crying?
I think Andrew has been reading your comments section.
This was one of his best.