Explained:

[Attacking Libya is] consistent with the War Powers Act, which is constitutional on the third Tuesday of every month but not when applied to kinetic military actions that look a lot like wars, especially when you’re leading from behind against Muammar Qaddafi, who’s a tyrant responsible for a number of man-caused disasters, unlike the ophthalmologist who’s reforming Syria with tanks and flamethrowers that don’t destroy nearly as many jobs as the ATMs located in Las Vegas, where nobody should go to blow a bunch of cash when saving for college, except Joe Biden, who nobody messes with and is a big f*****g deal because he liberated Auschwitz with Patton during an overseas contingency operation that was the boldest decision by any president who hasn’t healed the planet or lowered the missile-defense shields in Eastern Europe so that the Russians will pressure the Iranians to hit the reset button on their nuclear-weapons program and make peace with the Israelis, since no one else will as long as they unreasonably insist on maintaining their existence and building shovel-ready projects in Jerusalem without the use of stimulus money that has proven time and again to keep unemployment rates below 8 percent whenever a Republican drives his car into a ditch while sitting in the back seat sipping a Slurpee and working on his tan like a typical white person whose house is surrounded by a moat with alligators to keep out people who do the jobs Americans won’t do because at some point they’ve made enough money to act as stupidly as the Cambridge police or someone who smuggles AK-47s to Mexican drug cartels in an effort to win the future, just like MacArthur did when Emperor Hirohito came down and surrendered to him at the end of World Time-Limited Scope-Limited Military Action II — which everybody agrees was George Bush’s fault.

Only another year and a half. I hope we survive it.