Cue opening credit sequence
THE WHO
BRAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!Fast-paced action montage of CSI team shaking test tubes, spellchecking, studying tea bags under microscope, arresting cactus
THE WHO
We won’t get fooled again!CSI Headquarters. Behind a two-way mirror, Krugman and Matthews watch as the suspect is interrogated by detectives Olbermann and Maddow.
OLBERMANN
Out with it, scumbag! Who are you working with? We know you’re hiding something – or somebody! At long last, have you no shame, sir?! Have you no decency?DREAMBRAIN
Riddle me this, Batman. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? That’s for me to know, but what am I? Ha hah! Heee! Ho hee! Pbblltth!Olbermann jumps up angrily from chair, Maddow restrains him.
MADDOW
Look, pal. Olbermann here, he goes just a little crazy kookoo sometimes. You should see him when he goes full Special Commentary. But you can trust me. I’m your friend. I’ll take care of you, see? Here, have a nice hot cup of tea…Dreambrain knocks the tea from the table
DREAMBRAIN
You’re trying to control my grammar! I have a constitutional right to saxophones!MATTHEWS (on intercom)
Take five, detectives. His rightwing gibberish isn’t getting us anywhere.KRUGMAN
Have the results gotten back from the toxicology lab yet?MATTHEWS
Got ’em right here. Weed… acid… psilocybin… salvia… Red Bull… but so far a negative on tea. And transfats.
I don’t think it has as much potential as the other franchises.
An audience wants a villain they can make some sense of. Even the Joker had a method to his madness, as twisted as it was. The Arizona nutjob is just twisted and random.
Got news for them — so is Life.
Almost forgot…
/sunglasses
YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
My favorite is CSI: Miami. Because I was born and raised there, so it’s hilarious to see what the rest of the world thinks of the town. They do get the tacky shirts most of the men wear there pretty much right. As for the rest of it…