The Democrats have really awakened a sleeping giant (so to speak) with the energy bill:
In order to secure the votes of wavering Democrats, House leaders Nancy Pelosi and Henry Waxman inserted several last minute amendments to the legislation, including provisions for national oxygen rationing, witch burnings, dousings, and phrenology research. But the one that has seemingly stoked a grassroots backlash is the controversial Sexually Inexperienced Citizen Environmental Volunteer Amendment. The wording of the amendment calls for all American virgins over the age of 21 to register with the Selective Sacrifice Board, for possible use as victims in nationally televised vivisections intended to “supplicate the Earth-Spirits.”
Reaction, in some quarters, was swift and harsh. Robert ‘Shadowfyre’ Jardocki of the Wizard and Warlocks Guild called it “an affront to all Virtual America, from Second Life to World of Warcraft,” and vowed his group would cast the “most powerful lobbying spell the country has ever seen.” Denise ‘Lady Gwynnethynn’ Kelly of the American Society of Renaissance Faire Royalty decried it as “a unconstitutional attack on our members and their ladies in-waiting.” The National Association of Space Fantasists made an impassioned “call to light sabers,” while the Brotherhood of Sports Bar Regulars vowed a “million replica jersey march” on Washington to stop its passage. Other groups uniting to oppose the bill include MENSA, the Society for the Identification of Motion Picture Continuity Problems, and the American Association of Anonymous Comment Thread Trolls.
“Congress and the Administration really stirred up a hornet’s nest of virgins with this bill,” said longtime Washington-watcher Michael Barone. “The response really caught them flat-footed. I don’t think they realized just how adept the virgin community is at computers, and how much time they have between ComiCons or SpaceCons or whatever-cons. Instead of calling into sports radio shows, now they’re calling the capitol switchboard.”
Who knows how many other easter eggs like this are in the bill? No one knows, because we’re not allowed to read it.