Matt Labash has a hilarious dissection of the life and times of Angelina and Billy Bob. If anyone’s column had to replace mine of yesterday over at Fox, this is certainly a worthy one.

There is, of course, an immutable law of celebrity: The more nauseatingly and insistently two stars proclaim their togetherness, the closer they are to coming apart. (Witness Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, Jennifer Lopez and Puffy, or America’s Sweetheart, Julia Roberts, who has declared her eternal devotion to everything that moves, and several things that don’t). Meanwhile, celebrity couples that evidence staying power, like Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, tend not to conduct interviews with their legs coiled around each other’s heads. A stable marriage is about more than wearing each other’s panties and draining each other’s blood. Sure, that’s part of it. But these things are no substitute for the things that really matter: responsibility, fidelity, mental stability.