Every few years, someone has to do an article like this.
Once people are paying to go for their own purposes, instead of being government employees at taxpayer expense, there will be plenty of hanky panky up there.
25 thoughts on “S3x In Space”
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Apollo astronaut Michael Collins thought it could be a sublime experience.
My take is that there may be unforeseen difficulties. Much like how people thought space walks would be much easier than they were until Buzz Aldrin had the first space walk that went according to plan on a late Gemini mission.
Maybe this should be tried out in a neutral buoyancy tank first before in space?
Isn’t the common name for for neutral buoyancy tank “swimming pool?” My second wife and I honeymooned in one of those Poconos resorts that have a fair-sized (and deep) pool in the room. It was neither as much fun nor as easy as I expected (the floating fat people problem, if nothing else).
That is the difference between the neutral buoyancy tank and your garden-variety swimming pool. The person or persons undergoing training are weighted down to neutral buoyancy, and there are safety divers making sure they don’t drown if they get snagged in their gear.
And of course, neutral buoyancy in a pool of water is not the same thing a microgravity. That said, neutral buoyancy training was the enabling technology to bridge the flailing-around-in-space that Micheal Collins experienced and the purposeful, work-productive EVAs that Buzz Aldrin pioneered. This not only trained the astronauts, it also taught the engineer and mission planners about the needed foot and hand holds and types of tools needed to get useful work done in microgravity.
The Poconos pool had a ladder, which proved to be the only way we could manage (using it as a brace and handhold). I guess ISS bedrooms are small enough for astrofornicators to brace themselves. Or both get in the sleeping bag.
‘Astrofornicators’? How intriguing!
Tell me, is there a particular qualification program? Perhaps a school we could attend?
Somehow I just had the mental picture of cats in a bag.
Trust me, scuba divers have ‘aquafornicated’ while at neutral bouyancy.
I always had a problem with it: I have higher than normal lung capacity so should I start deeply inhaling, I become more boyant requiring adjustment of my BC, and then exhaling has the opposite problem.
Seems like getting non-sterile saltwater up her hooha could lead to problems later.
Internal hoohas are remarkably self-cleaning (clearly an evolutionary survival trait), as compared to the exterior areas. Leading inevitably to the joke about the difference between a clitoris and a Budweiser…
My wife and I also honeymooned in a room with a pool in Las Vegas and it was quite delightful. We wanted to go back for a 2nd honeymoon but they had permanently closed it due to such pools spreading AIDS in a particular segment of their clientele.
It’s been done on a parabolic flight for a porn movie. Ditto underwater.
That has already been achieved, in the neutral buoyancy tank known as oceans and lakes.
It requires some degree of anchoring, due to Newton’s first law
And why would this be “hanky panky”?
Yes, certain activities should be private, but if people marry and never conduct this activity, there can be legal consequences — you know, of sham marriages for immigration or to seek other social benefits.
FWIW, that’s actually an old article (from 2001).
Oh, well, I guess someone reupped it on Twitter in response to a tweet. Anyway, probably not much has changed, but I’ll bet it’s about to.
Just as soon as Bezos and company get their phallic shaped space ship fully open to the (super wealthy) public.
The parabolic pr0n movie is “The Uranus Experiment”. Mary Roach alleges in her book “Packing for Mars” that they didn’t actually get a microgravity money shot, but admits that she hasn’t watched the whole thing. Understandable given that it was released on three DVDs, and it can be difficult to watch more than brief amounts of it at any one time. Definitely XXX. And the money shot is on the third disk. Based on my understanding of vector motions in microgravity, I’m sold on it.
My experience was at Hippy Hollow in Lake Travis. Girlfriend and I clutching an air mattress while I’m trying desperately to get leverage. It’s that experience that led me to the concept of “Murphy’s Sex Straps”, shared lingerie with straps for anchoring to nearby surfaces. Haven’t really been able to field test them, though.
Ken, in light of my earlier remarks about the need to try things out in the neutral buoyancy tank before trying them in flight, I think the point was already made. On the other hand, this is direct experimental confirmation of my engineering intuition contrary to a famous astronaut’s written musings on the subject?
That said, I read further into the article about the Russians wanting to film a pair of, ahem, actors in space but they ran out of funding before deorbiting Mir. Why does this evoke the lyrics of John Lennon’s “Back in the USSR”?
I was part of the cabal that nominated “The Uranus Experiment” for a Nebula (and thus made it a finalist). The idea was to malign the movie and TV Nebula the Jackasserrie put in place.
If there are healthy people colonizing space, they’ll find a way to have sex. Dolphins manage to make it work, and they don’t have hands.
Forgot to add: there’s a pretty good theory that humans diverged from other apes by adapting to living in shallow water next to shorelines. We are the ape that swims.
I still have a copy of “The Aquatic Ape,” by Elaine Morgan (Stein and Day, 1982). Although popular for a while, it wasn’t much of a theory, and there’s no solid evidence for it. Her earlier book was “The Descent of Woman.” Chimps and Gorillas can’t swim because they don’t float, which opens the question whether Archaic humans could swim. Most kinds of monkey can swim at about the same level as dogs.
Long years ago Arthur C. Clark wrote a book that featured a space passenger liner on a route from Titan(?) to Earth. It was a constant acceleration ship, so at the midway point it had to shut down its engine for turnaround, giving a brief period of zero g.
At this point in the journey, the passengers broke out their copies of The Nasa Sutra. You know there will be a real one before too long.
I tried a comment yesterday that didn’t take. If something hasn’t already happened with decades of opportunity, we have a serious problem.
“Every few years, someone has to do an article like this.”
Then I would say for whatever it is worth we are overdue; since this article is over 10 years old:
Lust in space: Study tells all
By BY MICHAEL CABBAGE
OF THE SENTINEL STAFF |
MAR 11, 2001 AT 7:02 AM