In the parlance of Usenet, IANAL (I am not a lawyer), but even still, I’ll bet I could have offered her better legal advice than her lawyer did (if she was sufficiently competent to have one–not a safe bet). Of course, I’d be a lawyer who doesn’t buy into her legal theory of “play the race card at the beginning of the game.” So it’s also unlikely that she’d hire me, given the nature of the lawyer she would choose.

Anyway, if I were her lawyer, in addition to advising her to not hire a private thug to accompany her on Capitol grounds, here’s the speech I would have written for her yesterday.

Esteemed colleagues, and the American people.

I wish to apologize for my actions last week in striking a Capitol police officer who was simply doing his job, and doing it well.

I was in a hurry and distracted, and didn’t hear verbal requests to stop, or realize that they applied to me, because I thought that I had clearance to pass, as a member of Congress, and didn’t realize that I didn’t have my required lapel pin on. I was surprised when he grabbed my shoulder, but that is no excuse for my behavior, and I realize now that there was no other way for him to get my attention.

Our Capitol police force has a great responsibility to ensure the safety of Congresspersons like myself, our staff, and this historic and priceless building in which we all work for the American people. As a result of this incident, in these troubled times of threat against our great nation, I also now realize that careless behavior like mine, in both neglecting to wear my pin, and in paying insufficient attention to security locations and procedures, simply makes their job that much harder.

I want to apologize not only to the officer that I carelessly struck, but to this body as a whole and to the American people whom they represent. I understand that I violated the law, and that such violations are not vitiated by apologies–nonetheless, I am deeply sorry.

Moreover, I also wish to apologize for my accusations over the past few days of inappropriate behavior and racism against the Capital police force. They are hard working, and diligent, and undeserving of such, and as they follow their orders in enforcing the rules, so should I have in following them. I was upset about the incident and fearful of its potential consequences, but again, that is no excuse for this unjustified slander against them.

I hope that they, my colleagues, and the American people can forgive me, as I will have difficulty in forgiving myself. I can only promise that having said all this, that I will not repeat this offence, and that I will go before the courts and accept whatever penalty the law demands for my thoughtlessness. As a member of Congress, who makes the laws, I realize that I must set an example for other citizens, and now fully intend to do so.

Thank you for this time, Mr. Speaker.

As I said, if she’d had competent legal advice (doubtful, because she’s not the sort of person who would solicit such), that’s what I’d advise she’d say, and if I were really competent, I’d persuade her to say it.

Such a speech would have completely defused the political situation. Such a speech would guarantee that in whatever court proceeding resulted, she would do no time, and get off with an admonition and at worst a probation. Such a speech would remove the situation that has been such a gift to the Republicans, removing the distraction from what the Dems have thought was a political advantage over the past several days. Such a speech would remove the possibility of even a censure by the House, let alone an expulsion (which they remain perfectly within the authority of the Constitution to do, because there’s little conduct more disorderly than hers, both in the original event and in the demagoguery that has followed it). Such a speech would have at least temporarily stopped reminding people of everything that is despicable about the race-baiting wing of the Democrat Party.

Unfortunately, such a speech is one that Cynthia McKinney is constitutionally incapable of delivering, and one that her fellow Democrats (or her lawyer, chosen precisely because he’ll pander to her base political creed) is incapable of persuading her to deliver. Such a speech would be rare for a politician in general, but for a person like Cynthia McKinney, it is inconceivable. Hence we got instead the utterly predictable, “he started it,” “I regret that it happened” (not “I did anything wrong”) speech she gave yesterday.